Author: Belinda Smith
Without a doubt one of the hardest times as a parent is the newborn phase. Trying to work out what this little bundle of joy needs whilst also functioning as a fully fledged member of society – all on no sleep- is tricky to say the least. As brand new parents, fresh off the NICU stay, this is where we found ourselves in late 2015. However, we were not dealing with one screaming infant but three! Triplets are not for the faint of heart and we were on a huge learning curve. I do not remember much from this period. However, the nights with triplets, and in particular how I felt, are very real and fresh in my mind.
Some nights we were up 20-25 times
Unfortunately, I cannot sugar coat this. During the first twelve months the nights were brutal. It would get to 5pm in the afternoon and I would start to feel the ball of dread forming in my stomach because night time was coming and I knew there would be no sleep yet again. At its peak, we were up and attending to the babies anywhere between twenty to twenty-five times (we did tally marks one night to check!).
The hardest part of dealing with nights with triplets was managing the feeds
For us, the hardest part to manage was the feeds. When you leave the hospital there are serious discussions about SIDS and how to avoid this which included no propping of bottles. This of course means one on one feeding. When you have two parents and three babies it does not take a genius to see the problem. If we were lucky, we could each feed a baby and the third one would remain asleep until it was their turn.
This hardly ever happened though, so invariably we would be each feeding a baby whilst the poor third child would scream blue murder for 40 mins whilst his brothers happily ate, oblivious to their brother’s hungry belly. As you would expect this got easier as they got older and woke less frequently. However, when you are in the thick of it, it feels like it will never end.
Thank goodness for friends and family!
We were fortunate in that there were several nights we had friends and family come over and spend the night. This meant that all three babies could be fed at once and we could make it back to bed with more time to rest before having to get up and do it all again. Even my boss, who was a twin mum herself, came several times. We were very blessed and credit all these people with helping to keep our sanity at this time – along with consuming copious amounts of chocolate, coffee and beroccas!
Nights with Triplets: Attempting to get them to sleep through the night
Of course, we were working towards what every new parent is working towards – sleeping through the night! If you are lucky your baby will achieve this between 12 weeks and 6 months of age. We of course were not that lucky!
We tried many different things including putting the boys in different rooms, comforters, no comforters, sound machines, lavender baths, changing the daily schedule around etc. You name it we tried it.
We even had a failed attempt at a sleep school. Failed because I don’t believe they were as prepared for triplets as they could have been and we left after a few days as it wasn’t the right fit for us. In saying that, I know that these places work amazingly for other families and are worth investigating if you feel they could be helpful. This was just our experience.
Finally they slept through the night
Ultimately, as our favourite saying goes ‘This too shall pass’, the boys eventually learnt how to sleep through the night and they have never looked back. Sometimes it takes longer for babies to get through this phase and guiding three babies through this tumultuous time was exhausting, both physically and mentally.
Nights with Triplets: What would I do differently
Try harder to breastfeed
I think if I was able to have put one or even two of the boys on the breast we would have been able to feed all three at once. Because the boys were very early at 27 weeks, they were extremely premmie and found it difficult to latch and feed properly. Couple that with a low milk supply, that would not increase no matter what I did, and it was the perfect set up for me to give up pumping once the boys came home.
Perhaps if I had persisted more with learning how to breastfeed successfully, we may have had a smoother ride? It’s important to remember that you make decisions that are right for you at the time so I can’t dwell on this. I only offer this as an idea and an observation I noted with hindsight.
Invest in a night nanny
If you have the funds, I would absolutely advocate this service. Whilst we were lucky to have our friends and family join us during the newborn phase this petered off after a while and the nights with triplets were hard as they were still not sleeping through. To have had more nights where we could have less waking, or even a full nights sleep, would have helped tremendously.
Try and rest more during the day
I know it is hard but it is important to let go of the things that are not pressing and rest when you can. The dishes, cleaning and laundry can all wait. Better yet, get visitors to help or outsource these jobs. Your sleep and mental health are more important than an empty sink or laundry basket.
Reflections from a triplet mum: Surviving the nights with Triplets
Nine years on and it all seems like a distant memory or that it happened to some one else. Lots of people always comment when they hear our story “I could never do that”. I always answer with “Yes you could… for your kids you would do anything.” You really don’t know how strong you are until you have to be.
Whilst it was challenging and exhausting, I would do it a million times over because I have my funny, kind, caring, loving boys who we would not trade for the world. All I can say is ‘This too shall pass!’.
Best of luck to all our new multiple birth families.
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