Author: Monica Harber
A poem I wrote about what it is like to have twins.
It’s called ‘Outnumbered’ and it’s about just that, being outnumbered.
There’s more of them than there is of me. How can I explain so that you can see? You never experience the transition from one to two. Instead, it goes straight from me to a few. It’s reciting their birth order to remember their name. Having to choose who first to tend to, torments you, fills you with shame. So many products, places, outings so inaccessible. The barriers, preparation, and multi-tasking; unimaginable. You must sacrifice one to put the other in the car. Checking that vehicles aren’t near but far. Your needs don’t come second, but third or fourth. Still, your heart when you cuddle them fills with such warmth.
A hand is offered to look after your son. But even with help, you’re still left with one. Your attention is split constantly. At times, they need you, both, instantly. You want to spend time with one but your heart breaks open. For they’re inseparable so you grab both; it’s unspoken. It’s wanting to take in their every detail. But with two you’re divided, weight you feel on such scale. You kiss one and wrestle them to the ground. Then you do the same to the other to share the love around. You feel uneasy when one’s needs take priority. Worrying the other feels neglected, like a minority.
Your hands are full; always busy, never empty. And your love, it’s incredible, of which you have plenty. They bounce off each other, motivate and coerce. So they thrive, compete and develop their own quirks. Their bond is untouchable, unfaltering, ever blossoming. Still, their own personalities you find yourself honouring. When one laughs, shrieks or cries, The other reacts, noise compounded full-size. They’re paired together, bound together; a peculiarity. Yet you fight for acknowledgement of their uniqueness, their individuality. Though it’s tough and at times you feel encumbered, It’s a blessing, a gift, to be outnumbered.
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