Please note: This story contains the loss of a twin at 37 weeks, as well as some heartbreakingly gorgeous images.
Author: Jasmine Legge
It’s been four months and I’ve only now just built up the courage to share my story.
On Valentine’s Day 2019 I got the big fat positive. I was pregnant (very mixed emotions) although my partner, Jason, and I were trying to conceive. We each had children from a previous relationship and this was our first together.
Finding out I was pregnant with twins
Fast forward 6 weeks it’s ultrasound time, the first time I’ll get to see my little peanut on the screen. As the technician scans my belly I jokingly say “there’s not two in there” to which she replies “no” phew!! I can relax now. “Oh.. I just need to do an internal quickly”. “You know how I said before there wasn’t two” she says, well my mistake congratulations. Immediately that twisty knotted up butterflies in the stomach feeling comes over me, you have got to be kidding I’m pregnant with twins.
Loss of a Twin at 37 Weeks: Hyperemesis Gravidarum with twins
Hyperemesis/absolutely horrendous morning sickness soon set in. I was in and out of hospital for fluids I couldn’t eat a thing. I’d lost ten kilos by 12 weeks gestation. Spent all day, every day, in my bed dizzy, sick and dehydrated. I finally saw some relief at 17 weeks. and I could eat again.
At my next scan we found out that we had fraternal boy/girl twins. How happy and lucky we were to have a pigeon pair. At every ultrasound appointment my babies were measuring on the smaller side for twins but they were on track for a healthy pregnancy. Baby A was my son & baby B was my daughter.
The third trimester pregnant with twins
The last few months of my pregnancy dragged on so much I was huge I couldn’t walk. Couldn’t get comfortable, my aches and pains were absolutely excruciating 10/10 and I don’t think I could ever go through it again, and often look back and think how did I get through it!!
30 weeks pregnant with twins
30 weeks hit me like a ton of bricks!! I woke up one morning cramping and bleeding….. “it’s too early” ….. no this can’t be happening. “Not yet”. They tested me for early labour with a swab that showed up positive to which the doctor ignored and said you can get false positives put me on a monitor and sent me home.
A few days after it started again. I went back to hospital only this time they kept me for three days. As my contractions and pains were getting stronger and my bleeding had started again…they gave me steroid injections to mature the babies lungs if they couldn’t stop my contractions. All settled down and I was sent home again. A few days later more contractions, so I went into hospital to be monitored, then sent home again. They told me they didn’t know why I was bleeding “sometimes it just happens” they said. I was sick and tired of going into hospital to be sent home repeatedly. I knew something was happening.
A few days after that I started losing my mucus plug and I continued to over a course of two weeks. I found it strange that nobody was worried these babies were trying to come early and even stranger that no follow up was arranged after being hospitalized, with the specialist, in fact I was seen by a midwife instead of my usual specialist and didn’t get to see the obstetrician until weeks after.
35 weeks pregnant with twins
At 35 weeks I hit my magic number. I’d made it to a gestation I was happy with. At the 35 week ultrasound everything was looking great the only thing that seemed different was that baby B, hadn’t gained much weight.
37 weeks pregnant with twins
I made it to 37 weeks, mind you I was supposed to be induced by now and was growing increasingly frustrated at the care I was receiving. Thought to myself this is all wrong, I said this to family and close friends repeatedly. I remember It got to a point where I said to a friend” if anything happens to my babies, I’ll be so angry”.
It was my final appointment at the hospital before I was to be induced. I took along my eldest daughter with me as school holidays had just started and she wanted to see the babies. We went in had a chat about the induction then he got the ultrasound machine out to check the babies positions.
Baby A, my little boy, was head down ready to go and wriggling around on the screen…. the doctor then went to baby B …. he was taking such a long time and I could see in his facial expression change… as I looked at the screen, I was looking for the flicker of her heart. Then I looked and him, I didn’t want to say it, but I couldn’t help myself, “what’s wrong?” I asked. He said “ I’m really sorry but I can’t find baby B’s heartbeat”.
The loss of a twin at 37 weeks
I was sent upstairs for an ultrasound to confirm as I was adamant they’d got it wrong, and that she was fine. I was in denial, forgetting my eldest daughter was there watching all of this unfold because I was so distraught. Then I hear those words again “I’m so sorry” and my whole world just comes crashing down around me. From that point forward things were quite blurry, but I still remember snippets of it quite vividly.
It was like I was having a bad dream and it didn’t seem real, any of it. My partner arrived home. We packed the car and drove to the hospital. My partner pointed out that we had followed behind a morgue van the whole way down the highway to the hospital. (We ended up using the same company). I thought they’d rush me into theatre when I arrived at hospital, “ Let’s get these babies out”. I was anxious the whole way, but all I could think about was getting them out and making sure my son was ok.
At the time we arrived at the hospital there were no availabilities for a C-section and apparently it wasn’t an emergency. My baby’s dead!!! In my mind it WAS an emergency. I was made to wait until the following morning to be induced.
Induction following the loss of a twin at 37 weeks
I didn’t sleep a wink that night ….. I couldn’t. All these scary thoughts were rushing through my mind how can I do this?? How can I go through what I’m about to go through and be ok??
At 6 am I get the epidural, the induction begins. I can feel the contractions on half of my body the other half is numb…. then my whole body goes numb. Was labouring for just a few hours. I dilated quite quickly. When I got to ten centimetres it was time to push.
Instead of a happy, joyous experience all I could think about was my sweet little girl.
A couple of pushes and he’s here…. my perfect, pink and very small little boy, Jack.
He lets out his first little cries
I’m overwhelmed by mixed emotions of happiness and fear of what is to come…… I start contracting and pushing again then my Evie comes out and the room is silent. Its like I was waiting for another cry but it never came. And I couldn’t look.
The doctor handed Evie to my partner Jason. And we both cried together. It was the single most bittersweet moment I’ve ever experienced and I think I ever will experience. She was so tiny and perfect & beautiful. I held her for hours.
Nobody can ever compare anything to the pain that comes with losing a child. And the loss of a twin at 37 weeks was something I never expected.
It’s been four months. I have a happy, healthy beautiful boy for which I’m so thankful for. And my smiles starting to come back, the days are getting easier, with great loss comes great pain. We will never forget her! Our little angel!
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