Why having twins was the best thing for me

having twins was not as bad as I thought it would be

Author: Natasha Stewart

You may not know this, but I was the one who actually had the idea for Twinfo and helped Naomi start it. My business, Business Jump helps lots of mums set up an online business, and whilst I am a massive fan of all the businesses we help start, I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would become unexpectedly pregnant with twins and be one of Naomi’s biggest fans personally as well as professionally. What Naomi has done with Twinfo is just incredible and not only that, she has become a dear friend as well. 

I was one of those mums that thought twins would be my worst nightmare

Secretly, I was one of those mums that thought twins would be my worst nightmare, my first two were tough, especially my son which resulted in an awful PND journey, I naively just couldn’t fathom how multiple mums possibly could manage it and thought two babies at once would be the end of me. 

In June 2018 I very unexpectedly fell pregnant and bonded with my little baby quickly, only to lose her at 9 weeks. Realising that I actually really did want a third baby I convinced my husband and he reluctantly agreed to try again.

Finding out I was pregnant with triplets

A few months later, I was 6 weeks pregnant and convinced I was having another miscarriage, I raced down to the ultrasound place with my GP words of ‘it will be too early to see anything!!’ ringing in my ears only to discover THREE actual, live, beating, clear as day, heart beats.

I drove home with my ultrasound photo and three little heartbeats growing away in my tummy knowing that when I walked in the door my family would change forever, I videoed it and you can watch our twin journey from that day here.

At 8 weeks I noticed some bleeding again and an ultrasound later that day confirmed my triplet had left us and gone back to the spirit world. I’ve always had a belief it was my same little soul from the first miscarriage coming earth side to teach and share with me the lessons she wanted me to learn and that she is also my twins custodian.

Accepting I was having twins

Accepting I was having twins

Once I got to 12 weeks the numbness of the shock wore off and I realised these two little babies were here to stay, we were doing this. I was having twins. 

The real fear set in. I was so scared, the assumptions I had about twins shocked me to the core, all I could think about was how PND nearly cost me my life last time and now I was going to go through that again, but double. The guilt and shame I felt about myself as a mother was intense and all I could think about was how I am not cut out of this. 

Pretty much every day I cried to my husband, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. And when I was 20 weeks he said something that had a profound effect on me.

He said, you don’t have to do anything different. We love you the way you are, you are already enough to us.

The penny dropped for me that day.

You mean… I don’t have to try any harder? Or do mum life different? Or force myself to do double the craft, double the reading, double playing with toys on the mat? 

No babe. You just do everything how you’ve already been doing it, he said.

In this moment I let go of all the expectations and labels I’d confined myself in and surrendered. 

Maybe I would end up in a straight jacket, or maybe I’d be the best freaking twin mum ever.

Who knew? 

Not me. 

Managing my twin pregnancy and mindset

I managed the ups and downs like any other twin pregnancy, I was big, exhausted, tired and every day was a mindset struggle, my mantra was ‘this is simple, this is easy, this is fun’ and I repeated it over and over again. 

I still had some fears and worries pop up that I had to pat back down, but overall I had made peace with the fact that these babies had chosen me for a reason and I would honour that. 

31 weeks pregnant with twins

At 31 weeks I went into pre-labour which the hospital stopped and my babies had steroids just incase, I continuously had contractions for the next few weeks and was in and out of hospital being monitored. My gut told me they were going to come early, and fast. 

35 weeks pregnant with twins

At 35+1 as I woke up to my husband leaving for an early morning appointment. I told him to keep his phone on, as I had a funny feeling that day.

At 9pm that night, as I was walking out of the bathroom my waters broke and about an hour and a half later I was getting prepped for an emergency c-section and was already 4cm dilated.

My babies were coming early, and fast. 

having twins in Special Care was the best thing for me

Why having the twins in Special Care was the best thing for me,

We spent two weeks in special care, which I have to say was the best start for me as a twin mum with my history. I was able to go home, recover and get full nights sleep and probably because I already had two children, I was ok to leave the twins and not fret, I knew I had to be on my game not to have a PND relapse and sleep was crucial for me.

I never could have done that as a first time mum though, I would have stressed to the core about leaving them.

twins born at 35 weeks

Life today, with 7 month old twins.

My twins are 7 months old now, and whilst we’ve had some ups and downs, I have to say, I am completely gob smacked at how different it is to what I expected. They are the happiest, smiley, content little babies I have ever known. Sure we have our moments, but overall, they have been so grounding and calming for me and I can see they were always meant to be. 

six month old twins

You can follow Nat on her Business Jump Facebook Page HERE. Not only does she share some great business tips, but she also shares a lot about mindset, PND and of course twins!


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