Congratulations you are pregnant! How exciting. Oh wait…there are two babies? Three babies????
Suddenly all the rules have changed. The panic sets in. The fact that you were never planning on finding out the gender of your baby may change now its TWO or THREE babies. Planning mode kicks in and you decide you now need to definitely find out the genders. But take a step back. You don’t HAVE to find out the gender just because there is more than one baby in there.
Reasons people decide against finding out the gender of twins or more
For the surprise factor
The desire to have a surprise at the end of the pregnancy means some people choose to not find out the gender. In todays technologically advanced world you may know the date of conception (from careful ovulation tracking to IVF), the date they are to be born (elective c-section or induction) and even what they look like (have you seen how clear the latest 4D cans are!!). So to find out the gender is really the last of the unknowns.
There aren’t that many surprises in life that can equate to this. That moment when you see them for the first time and find out their gender is equated to a moment time stands still. Plus you know what they are for the rest of their lives, those few months of not knowing is so exciting. And it is fun to keep everyone guessing.
Be warned though, you may face backlash from family and friends (and even strangers!). Be ready for comments like “I could never, how will you be prepared?” or “but you’re having two………”. Let me assure you, all the gender specific clothing in the world will never actually prepare you for having multiple babies!!
You were not planning on finding out the gender of your “baby” so why should you just because there is more than one baby!
Just because you are having multiples, it doesn’t mean you have to find out the gender of the babies. If you decide against finding out the gender of twins or more, make sure you always inform the sonographer prior to them placing the wand on your belly. I would reply to them when they confirmed my name with “Yes….and we don’t know what we are having so please don’t tell us”.
A long fertility journey. Sometimes this is the reason people decide against finding out the gender of twins or more.
For me, we had done 8 rounds of IVF. I was so excited to even be pregnant, let alone with twins, that I didn’t care what gender they were. I knew this would be my only pregnancy, so I decided not to find out. After years of trying and lots of invasive procedures, tests, appointments etc; everything had felt so clinical! We just wanted this one thing that wasn’t planned / known / checked.
When you had found out for previous pregnancies so decide not to this time.
Some families are already blessed with children prior to finding out they were having multiples. If they had already found out previously what the gender of their (single) baby was, some parents elect to not find out for the subsequent pregnancy.
When one person does, and the other partner doesn’t
Sometimes its all about compromise. If one parent doesn’t want to find out, then maybe this is something you will need to reach an agreement on. Of course, if you think you (or they) can keep a secret, then by all means many couple have been in the situation where one parent has found out the gender and the other hasn’t. Personally, there is no way I could keep such a doubly exciting secret quiet!!
Some families choose not to find out due to gender stereotyping – i.e. not have “blue” and “pink”. While people are can be extremely generous with gifts, sometimes the pile of pink and blue can be quite overwhelming. Particularly if you plan to raise your children outside of gender stereotypes as much as possible. By not finding out the gender, you are more likely to be generously gifted more gender neutral items. You can easily can add a splash of (any) colour later.
What if they are wrong???
Some people fear that the gender could be incorrect (and I personally know a few people this has happened to – including my cousin!). They aren’t willing to risk it so they choose not to find out.
Finding out may cause gender sadness
Finding out early may lead to a bit of gender sadness. Particularly if you already have several children of the same gender and then you find out that you are having two or three more of the same gender. This tends to happen less when you find out at the birth. As your just so overwhelmed by the new arrival and so in love it doesn’t matter. Once you hold your newborn babies in your arms any preference parents may have is irrelevant, as they have little humans in their arms that they created.
Regardless if you do or don’t find out the gender of your babies, the one thing we can all agree on, is that nothing will ever equate to finding out you were pregnant with more than one baby!