Author: Veronica Jack
The scars from birth, paired with hours spent breastfeeding twin babies, left me couch bound. Your role as the father to our twin boys and committed partner never slowed. Changing nappies and consoling babies. Ensuring I was eating, drinking, resting and the list went on. I would cry. Cry because the babies wouldn’t latch. Cry because hormones were racing. Sleep deprivation was at its ultimate. But you…you were tired too.
I imagined mums of single babies feeding through the night while their partner slept before getting up for work. I wished I could do the same for you, but transporting and maneuvering both babies onto the double pillow was a juggling act. Impossible alone. Sometimes it would take us over half an hour to get both babies latched and feeding. By the time they had finished, it was time to begin the whole process again. All the while I was crying. Crying in pain, frustration and sheer exhaustion. Feeding two babies was no walk in the park. It was harder than I had ever imagined it to be. You put on a brave face. For me…for us. Never complaining or trying to explain how hard it was for you.
Before giving birth, I promised I wouldn’t allow myself to change. Barking orders and complaining about things like dirty dishes in the sink didn’t feel like me. As the days ticked by and the debt of sleep weighed heavily on my ability to think rationally or clearly, impulsivity took over. Words fell out of my mouth. Snappy, irritable words. I tried to stop them. I wanted to run away from myself, but you only moved closer, with a patience and empathy I didn’t deserve.
A letter to my husband, the father to our twin boys
Dear husband, thank you for becoming the person I needed in every moment of my postpartum journey. For loving me in my worst moments. For helping me discover the new me. The mum me. The days were long. The nights were longer, and you so graciously walked alongside me with a selflessness and understanding I so deeply admire. Watching you in this new role, this dad role, has made me love you more than you’ll ever know.
Mum to twin boys
Motherhood – •living •loving •falling •learning •growing