Author: Anonymous
My girls are only four months old and I’ve been reflecting on some of the things I worried about when I was pregnant – and what it’s actually been like since they arrived. I’m not talking about big worries like medical matters and birthing them safely, but the little things that ran through my mind during those long, uncomfortable pregnant nights.
Twin Worries: How would I tell my identical twins apart?
Our twins are identical, MCDA. I spent countless nights during my pregnancy wondering what strategies I could use to ensure I didn’t get them mixed up. Do I need to get them bracelets with their initials? Should I paint one of their toenails? Do I need to get a freckle tattooed on someone’s ear? That last one is a joke but I have read it’s an acceptable strategy when there’s a medical issue with one baby and everyone needs to have absolute certainty when administering medications!
In reality, they’re easy enough to tell apart- unless it’s the middle of the night, the lights are dim and I’m half asleep! Izy has more hair than Addi. Their face shape is slightly different. And for now, Izy has a tiny stalk mark on her brow. Maybe it will get harder as they grow, but I think we’ll be ok, and don’t think we’ll have to resort to tattooing our babies!
How would our toddler adjust to newborn twins and how will I find time for him?
Maybe our toddler is just totally awesome (unashamedly biased!) or maybe we need to give these little people more credit than we do. Max was almost four when the twins came along, so he’s fairly independent. And he put up with me taking a back seat in parenting during my very rough pregnancy, so perhaps that prepared him somewhat. Don’t get me wrong, we also worked hard to try to prepare him for the girls’ arrival. We talked about his friends and cousins with baby siblings; we talked about the baby room at his childcare centre; we tried to get him engaged and excited about their arrival and let him get involved in whatever decisions were practical- shopping for baby things or setting up the baby’s room.
My week in hospital for their birth, without seeing him due to Covid restrictions, was one of the hardest I could ever imagine. And I feared he’d view it as the twins taking me away from him- but he took it in his stride. He met us at the hospital when we were discharged and he was so excited to meet his sisters, to help us strap them into the car and to guess who’s who.
Three months later, he’s still amazing. He gives them kisses and loves helping with rocking their bassinets or putting in their dummies. He’s usually quiet around them when they’re sleeping and he’s patient beyond his years when I can’t do what he wants at that very point in time. So, it turns out, I didn’t really need to stress so much on this one- but perhaps the stressing is what helped us prepare him to be so bloody awesome about it all.
How would I ever sleep? How will I function generally?
Sure I’m sleep deprived. I eat poorly, I don’t get in enough (any) exercise and I drink my fair share of coffee. But I’m not completely time poor and I’m not a walking zombie. Hey, I’m finding the time to write a blog! I’ve also found time to get my paints out and create some artworks, which is a pastime I had really let slide. I’ve even organised a few things in the house that had been bugging me for years. I have time- it’s just that often it needs to be time spent on tasks that can be easily disrupted if necessary. And I make sure I take time for the odd daytime nap whenever I can. The whole ‘sleep when the baby sleeps’ is clearly absurd but if I can squeeze in a little sleep, or even just a rest, it restores my energy immensely.
I get out and about, usually a number of times a week, but often it takes some planning and double the time than I think I’d need to actually get out the door!
There are also days when I don’t get out of the house, or even out of my pyjamas- but I’m ok with that. I’m an introverted extravert. I love socialising but I also like to replenish my energy with a bit of alone time- alone with the twins that is!
I have found it hard to do things like exercise or go out for dinner with friends. My husband and I haven’t had a date night since before they were born, but part of that is on me as I’m not entirely comfortable leaving the twins right now. I’m sure that will come though, in time. For now, I’m not quite the shadow of my former self that I feared I’d be. I think trying to keep them on the same schedule has helped a lot and while some days are tough, I’m actually enjoying operating at a different pace, and with different priorities, to what I did before their arrival.
What would my body be like after carrying twins? (I know, the vanity is coming out here but I’m being completely frank, and I know I’m not the only one who has this thought!)
The drive home from the sonographer’s rooms, when we found it was twins (after I’d stopped crying), I said two things. The first, “now that we’ll have three, private school is off the cards”. And the second, “when this is over, I’m getting plastic surgery!”
Maybe I’m one of the lucky ones but my body hasn’t been quite as warped as I thought it would be. Sure, it’s not like it used to be but hey, I grew two tiny humans at the same time, and that’s incredible! I have stretch marks, but they don’t bother me like I thought they would- and they’re already starting to fade! Yes, I have extra weight but not nearly as much as I expected I’d be carrying, and I can do something about that when I find the motivation. I have a scar from my c-section but I kind of like that- it reminds me of what I went through to get my awesome babies.
Of course, my body isn’t what it was pre-kids and of course I’d like to be slimmer, fitter, perkier; but I’m not rushing out the door to the cosmetic surgeon and I don’t feel like I belong on an episode of Embarrassing Bodies. I’m proud of what my body did and the few extra wobbles or marks on my skin are only reminders of how awesome we women really are!
One thing I did, which I’d highly recommend, was buy new underwear when the girls were a month or two old. Bras that fitted my changed boobs and undies that held me in where I wanted- it made me feel a million dollars compared to my old, pre-pregnancy underwear- and didn’t come with the same price as what cosmetic surgery would have!
Twin Worries: How much landfill would we create with newborn twins
I kept reading posts about how many nappies multiples parents go through each day, at each phase of the babies’ life, and it was terrifying. I spent many hours pre-birth looking up reviews on the best reusable nappies. There are so many different types that I found it was overwhelming. In the end, the twins arrived before I had time to purchase reusable nappies. For the first month or two, we exclusively used disposable nappies and the landfill we created does terrify me, considering it takes 150 years for a nappy to decompose!
In month three, I found the courage to purchase a small bundle of 14 reusable nappies through marketplace (you’d be amazed how many listings there are of unused modern cloth nappies!)
14 nappies gets me through a day for both girls and in truth I’ve only used them a handful of days so far because I’m still trying to work out how to prevent leaks (Public apology to my friend who just held Addi at a café and got wee’d on!). I feared reusable nappies would be too hard with twins, extra washing etc., but in reality, they’re easy to manage, I just haven’t quite mastered it yet.
I’m trying to use them more and I plan to look into some different brands, increase my stash, and tap into other parents to see where I’m going wrong. Hopefully, I’ll prevent more nappies going to landfill. I suspect however that I’ll always use a combination of reusable and disposable nappies and while I’d love to be more sustainable, I’m comfortable that I’ve made some attempt.
How on earth will we agree on four names- a first and middle name for each girl?
We had one girls name picked out for ages but had a very different opinions for Twin B’s name. His suggestions were horrible, and he felt the same about many of mine. We had some ‘guidelines’ we had to work with, and it did take a long time, but we got there in the end.
And from memory, you have 60 days after birth to register a name before a name gets allocated for you, so that’s handy to have up your sleeve if you really do get stuck.
I have heard however, that you should never settle on a name in the hours immediately after birth, all those hormones and drugs have been known to leave some parents with severe name regrets!
Twin worries: How much washing will there be with twins?
Our toddler Max was a vomiter. I mean, FULL ON. He averaged around 80 vomits a day. Not just little spittles either, they were big. It’s amazing he managed to gain any weight at all! My thoughts with the twins: Please please please don’t let there be 160 vomits a day!
Thankfully, neither of the girls has a regurgitation pattern quite like Max did. While our washing machine runs pretty much every day, it’s not too bad- and it helps that my husband does the bulk of our washing. Oh, and we also bought a drier when we found out it was twins (we live in Victoria). I’d always resisted having a drier- I felt they’d ruin our clothes, and it didn’t sit comfortably with me from a sustainability perspective. But, I had to give in for the sake of my sanity.
We were fortunate that we could afford to buy a mid-range drier that is gentle on our clothes and kind to the environment. So, my suggestion, when you’re pregnant and family/friends ask what gifts they can get the babies, if you don’t have a drier, consider asking them to chip in for one! It’s been a complete game changer for us.
Next phase…
Ok, so we’re almost four months in and it turns out most of my worries have been easy to overcome. What do I worry about for the next phase of their life? Well…
- Solids- how much mess they’re going to create and how on earth will I feed both at once?
- Crawling- how do I keep them contained to a safe space in our house, ideally without a baby play pen?
- When they’re walking- how will I manage at the park when they try to go off in different directions?
And when they get past those phases, it’ll be something else. So I guess the worry never stops, it just changes. Maybe, that’s the only constant in motherhood.
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