(Note from Twinfo: This is the second part of a five part series, where we will follow Nissa’s journey. The links to the other parts of her story can be found at the end of this post.)
Author: Nissa Vagg
Twin pregnancy first trimester
The Waiting Game
Twins… two babies, at the same time! My whole body was buzzing with the excitement of it. It was like every hair on my body was tingling and I was so bummed that I had to wait seven and a half months before I could meet them. Of course, I would have been incredibly excited to be having one baby, but to be given TWO, the excitement was genuinely like we had won Tattslotto – I knew the odds were probably about the same and never in a million years could I have imagined that it would happen to us. The news might have been amazing but unfortunately my pregnancy was not. It was horrible. Seriously – it was a truly unpleasant experience. Not that I expected it to be a walk in the park, but I was surprised by how little I enjoyed the process of creating life.
Being close to 30, most of my other friends had already had children, and I could even recall some of them saying things like ‘Oh, I loved being pregnant’. Genuinely, WTF? I guess they didn’t all have twins, but then maybe my tolerance for physical discomfort was just really low. To start with the morning sickness was truly all consuming, apart from being excited to meet our twins, I couldn’t think of anything else. I vomited in the mornings, in the afternoons and in the evenings. I got so used to throwing up that I could do it mid stride when I was walking. Thank god for ‘spew bags’ because when the urge to vomit hit, it couldn’t be avoided. On the drive (literally around the corner) to work, I would frequently pull over the car for a spew or two. How on earth did people live like this?
My job at the time was a receptionist at a local hotel, and mid conversation with guests I would run out the back, vomit, throw a mint in my mouth, and run back out the front with a forced smile and no excuse. Ross tried to make me to eat, telling me to think of the babies, and I tried, I really tried, but even when I could eat, I just couldn’t keep much down. Call me crazy, but I put up with the morning sickness for the sake of my dream – that image in my mind of how I thought things would be – and big part of that was to have a natural pregnancy and raise my babies in a natural way. You know the one: no hair dye, no chemicals, no drugs, demand breast feed, co sleep, nap outside in fresh air, eat organic homemade food (and dirt, because germs are good) bla bla bla etc.
It wasn’t long before I had to admit that my dream might not be realistic, for the first but not the last time. And I genuinely felt like I had failed as a mother, also for the first but definitely not the last time. After a month or so of morning sickness madness, I went to a doctor for help. They prescribed several different medications before finding one that worked, and it reduced my morning sickness to just a constant nausea and a couple of vomits a day. Hooray for me! And so things carried on, I tried to grit my teeth and stomach the chronic nausea while Ross and I tried to work out how on earth we were going to support two babies!
Finding out that we were pregnant with twins was one of the best moments of my life, but it was also one of the most complicated. To be fair, the timing wasn’t great – we weren’t set up and financially stable, living in our own home and ready to welcome two babies – instead we were living with Ross’s parents. And I was sad about that, sad and scared and again I felt like I had already failed as a mum. We had just relocated from my home town in Victoria, to the South Coast NSW so that Ross could be closer to his family, and not long after we had arrived he lost his job. Some old injuries from years in the Defence Force meant that he couldn’t do the work, and we soon discovered that there was no other work to be had.
So, there we were, living with Ross’s parents, with only my part time income from the hotel to pay the bills and two babies on the way. After the excitement calmed down, the panic really set in; the South Coast was just not going to work out and we had some big decisions to make.
Over an afternoon drive in the bush, blaming each other for our poor choices and crying about our bleak future, we finally came to an agreement and decided on a new plan – we would move to Tasmania instead. Ross had always wanted to get into commercial diving and being such a big industry there he would be able to provide for his new family. It would also be a great place to raise the twins as it ticked all our boxes for an outdoor lifestyle. And possibly the best part: property was still almost affordable…. we might even be able to buy a house one day. Once we agreed, we borrowed the money to book Ross onto the next diving course in Tassie. The only problem was that it was due to finish 2 week before I would be induced or booked for a caesarean – we would seriously be cutting it fine!
It wasn’t how I wanted things to be, I didn’t want to be alone for most of my pregnancy worrying that Ross might miss it, but we had no choice, we needed a real income and fast. I told myself that it was a small price to pay for our future, and with a plan in place we both relaxed a little more, until I hit 16 weeks.
To read the first part in Nissa’s story – Finding out we were pregnant with twins – click HERE
To read the third part in Nissa’s story – Twin Pregnancy second trimester – Our big scare” – click HERE
To read the fourth part of Nissa’s story – Twin pregnancy third trimester – The first labour” click HERE
To read the final part (fifth part) of Nissa’s story – Giving birth to Twins – The miracle of birth” click HERE
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