After having your babies and bringing them home, your life will have changed a lot. There are a bunch of new routines to learn, different priorities and then there is the lack of sleep. So much lost sleep!
The first few months at home with your babies can be rocky as you are settling into the new routine and change of lifestyle. There may be times when your relationship feels like it is also changing.
Does it every feel like your relationship changed in the months after bringing your babies home? Did things get better or worse with your partner? A changing relationship after having twins or triplets can happen for a number of reasons.
Lack of sleep
A big reason that you may feel like your relationship after having twins or triplets is changing is due to the lack of sleep. If you are struggling with getting a full nights sleep and waking a lot throughout the night for feeds and changes, it can severely affect your mood. This in turn can cause you to become moody, agitated and short tempered. Who is going to cop the brunt of that? Yep, your partner.
And it can work both ways. If one of you (or both of you) are not getting enough sleep, it may start to affect the way you interact with each other.
Lack of motivation
Another reason that relationship dynamics start to change after birth is due to the lack of motivation or drive to be intimate. If you have two or three new babies at home, honestly getting intimate is probably the last thing on your mind. Throw in the lack of sleep and long list of things to do and you probably don’t want to ever think about it again. The lack of sex drive can also be put down to the hormonal changes that you are going through. Your mind and body simply may not be ready to jump back into it.
Have you ever looked at your partner as they are leaving for work and felt envious that they get to leave? Don’t worry, it is a normal thing. It does not mean that you are a bad parent or that you don’t want to be around your babies. But knowing that they can leave, even if it is just to go to work can sometimes cause issue between you. If you let your feelings get the better of you.
How do we work on our relationship after having twins or triplets?
If you are starting to notice a change in your relationship and it is not where you want it to be going, the first thing to do is to sit down with your partner. Talk to them about how you are feeling and listen to them voicing their concerns. By talking about it, you will be able to find the reason behind the change and hopefully find a way through it.
Communication is a huge part of a relationship.
Without it, the chances of a happy relationship are minimal. So even if you don’t feel like talking, make sure you are still communicating your thoughts and feelings with your partner. And give them a chance to do the same. A relationship is an equal partnership and both parties should be able to voice how they are feeling.
Spend time as a couple
Another good thing to do when you are trying to get your relationship back on track is to organise regular alone time. I know that sounds hard to do. But by having alone time together, you are able to start enjoying each other’s company again and working on getting that happy feeling back.
Tip: Join our Relationships After Multiples Facebook Group for weekly date ideas.
Bringing your babies home will come with many challenges and changes. It is important to take it one day at a time. Speak to your partner about how you are feeling and what may help to get your relationship back to how it was.
And remember, this may not last forever. Once you are settled into your routines, you’re getting a good night sleep and getting time to yourself. You may start to feel like your old self again. The happy, loving feelings will all start to fall back into place and everything will (hopefully!) go back to normal.
Twinfo is Australia’s largest, most supportive, online community for parents of twins and triplets. Twinfo offers advice, products and services that make raising your babies easier, freeing you up to enjoy all the precious moments.