Author: Mikaela Holmes
I have four beautiful, healthy children. Three of them are rainbow babies, including rainbow twins.
My first pregnancy – daughter
I got pregnant with my first as soon as we started trying. I had the perfect pregnancy, no morning sickness, no spotting, no other health issues at all. Our daughter was born right on time at 39 + 3 weeks.
My second pregnancy – miscarriage
When we decided to try for number 2, again I got pregnant straight away. We told the family at 7 weeks, I had a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks but only found out at our first scan at 12 weeks. I ended up having a D & C.
My third pregnancy – rainbow son
After giving my body/mind 2 months to recover from the surgery we started trying again. This time it took 6 months to get pregnant. This pregnancy was equally perfect health-wise but I was anxious for the first 18 weeks, constantly worried about another miscarriage. In particular, I was worried about not knowing what my body was doing, always second guessing was I actually pregnant. As I had so few classic pregnancy symptoms I struggled to relax until I really looked and felt pregnant. Our rainbow son made us wait a little and was born at 41 + 3 weeks.
My fourth pregnancy – miscarriage
When we decided to try for number 3 we had a longer road to conception. Six months of trying and still no two blue lines. We were both getting older and were conscious of not wanting to be too old and not wanting too big an age gap.
We went to a fertility clinic, started monitoring ovulation and kept trying. A few months later we went back to ask about the next step. But then before we did anything more, it happened, we got pregnant. We held off telling anyone too soon. Then at 9 weeks I started bleeding and miscarried the next day. Blood tests and a scan confirmed a complete miscarriage.
My fifth pregnancy – rainbow twins
By this time we were only months away from our self-imposed end date for trying. So we waited just one month after the miscarriage and then tried again. Three weeks later a home pregnancy test gave a positive result and four weeks after that we had a scan where we saw those two sacs for the first time.
Despite the twin factor I had another perfect pregnancy and our rainbow twins arrived right on schedule at 37 + 1 weeks with no complications.
Five pregnancies and four babies in our arms.
Our daughter is 6, our rainbow son 3.5 and our rainbow twins are 8 months. It’s been a bumpy road but the journey is really just beginning…..
I wrote the following words after my second miscarriage. I wrote it mainly for myself, but then this opportunity arose to share it.
This is for those who have experienced the sadness of a miscarriage. This is also for anyone who hasn’t but is trying to support someone who has.
There are many times when the pain of a miscarriage hurts that little bit more, times that you have to get through and when you do they help you to heal and also remind yourself how strong you can be. I’ve called them miscarriage milestones;
- The time you realise you’ve lost your baby/babies. Maybe you see it, maybe you feel it, maybe someone has to tell you.
- The time you tell someone else that it has happened.
- The time you are asked how you are doing and you try to say “okay”
- The time you have to have more blood tests and read the referral form that says the words “miscarriage (?)”
- The time the hospital calls about your scan or appointment that you no longer need
- The time you get your next period
- The time someone close to you tells you they are pregnant
- The time you reach 12 weeks and should be telling people your news but it’s different news to tell now
- The time someone asks you if you want to have more kids
- The time someone you know has a baby
- The time you look at your baby stuff and wonder if you will get to use it (again)
- The time you reach your due date
These are just some milestones that someone might go through. It’s tough, no matter how much silver lining you look for. And it’s okay to feel the pain at each one of these times.
But the good news is that it gets easier. I think the pain will always be there and that’s okay. Because the pain reminds us that we loved in the first place.
For me, a sadness shared is a sadness halved. So if you have experienced a miscarriage I hope this helps. Helps you remember you are not alone. And if you want to, share your pain. Don’t ever forget the power of a hug. And if you are a supportive friend; I hope this helps give you just a little insight into what your loved one might be going through.