Note: This article refers to twins, but applies to triplets as well. In fact, there is more of a chance with triplets that one will get an award and the other two won’t.
When your child comes home with an award, it is always a time for celebration. The excitement, achievement and confidence that comes with getting an award is something worth celebrating. However, it can be difficult at times when you have twins or triplets and only one of them gets an award. It can cause the others to become upset that they missed out. Missing out comes in many forms throughout childhood and it is important to talk to your children about opportunities and how they vary from person to person. Check out below some tips on what to do when one gets an award and the other doesn’t.
Talk about individual skills
Every child is different and the skills and they have vary. It is important to explain to your children how everyone is different and may excel at different things. You may have one twin who excels academically whilst the other is sporty.
You can show your children that they are their own person and that the things that they are good at may be different to their sibling.
Use an example like their favourite colour or their favourite TV show. Show them how that having a different favourite colour from their sibling isn’t a bad thing. That it is their personality. The same goes with schooling. Their skills and preferences in the classroom may be different to their sibling, but that it is not a bad thing.
When one twin gets an award and the other doesn’t, try positive reinforcement
It can still be disheartening to see your sibling being called up on stage to receive an award whilst you’re not.
Positive reinforcement is a great way to help the child who didn’t receive an award still know their worth and build their confidence.
Remind them of what they are good at, let them know that their time is coming and to be patient.
Teaching your children to celebrate and congratulate their sibling on their award is also important. This may be difficult for them at the time, but then when they receive an award and their twin congratulates them – they will feel much better.
Explain the reasons for awards
There are different reasons awards are given. They can be given for the person who receives the highest marks. Or he person who comes first or even the person who showed they tried the hardest.
Because there are different reasons why awards are given. Which means that not everyone is going to be given one at the same time.
Talk about the different types of awards, the reasons for them and how you can help your child to achieve them.
Work with them on their skills
Has your child raised with you about how they feel when one twin gets an award and the other doesn’t?
If they have, it is a great way to open a conversation about their own individual skills and how they can work on them. Ask them what they enjoy, what they are good at and what they want to work on.
If they have a goal in place, it can help them to push themselves and aim towards receiving an award.
It’s not a competition
One of the most important reminders is that it is not a competition. All children will have their moments of wanting to be the best, or to come first. But it doesn’t mean that they need to turn their childhood into a competition with their siblings.
Remind them that school and sports are their for learning and having fun. It is not always about coming first or being the best.
Being there for each other, giving praise and accepting when they don’t get an award makes them a good sport and a person that people will want to spend their time with.
When one twin gets an award and the other doesn’t, make sure they still get the recognition and praise that they deserve. Sometimes we can be worried about the child that is upset and forget that it is a time for celebrating.
Don’t let their award go unheard. Give them the celebration and praise that they deserve.
For more school related multiple birth conversations, please join our group: Parents of School Aged Multiples Australia.
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