By Lovehoney Sex Coach Cam Fraser
Libido/sex drives are not a consistent straight line throughout our lives, it has ups and downs. Many things and factors influence our libido including hormones, life stage, and emotional and physical states.
Becoming a parent to multiples is a massive life event and is full of ups and downs and learning all on its own. I love being a parent, and it’s so rewarding, but don’t get me wrong it comes with its challenges.
The is stress, anxiety and worry can be multiplied with multiples. Add to this, the stress and anxiety over the last couple of years as a result of the pandemic and you have a heightened state of stress which isn’t conducive to sexual activity. Stress and libido do not mix. Lovehoney’s lockdown survey indicated that two thirds of Aussies said heightened stress impacted their sex lives.
Lack of sleep can affect the male libido after having twins or triplets
Sleep and sleeping patterns are often interrupted as a parent of multiples. You have to devise new patterns which can take some time meaning you can feel tired. Research has found that lack of sleep can lead to lower sexual desire. So as difficult as it may be, try to find a routine that works and stick to it as best as possible.
Here are a few more ways you can boost your male libido after having twins or triplets
Stop overthinking your male libido after having twins or triplets
One very simple but often a very hard step is to stop thinking or overthinking about your libido. It’s a common myth that those with a penis want sex constantly and that we are able to get an erection in an instant. This often isn’t the case and when experiencing these it can sometimes lead to feelings of embarrassment and shame causing mental blocks which may be the cause for the low libido.
A way around this is trying to get out of your own head and focus on activities that relax you and bring you happiness. I find exercise and meditation work well. Exercising is great, it helps with self-esteem because you look and feel better yourself and it can improve sexual function increasing strength and stamina.
Understanding your libido
Solo time and masturbation are important self care. Use this time to explore and find out what turns you on, your fantasies and desires and new sensations and places that feel pleasure. Also think about what might be causing your lack of desire the more you understand your libido the easier it becomes to take steps to help boost and improve it. Your libidois like a muscle; you have to continue to use it or lose it.
Communication with your partner
Communicate with your partner, be open and honest about your turn ons and offs so you can explore ways of being intimate and sexual together.
Make and schedule time to be together and be intimate, this can start slow with touching, kissing and maintaining that connection. Focus on pleasure versus performance – being intimate doesn’t have to involve penetration. I use the analogy of a sexual menu. Brainstorm together what could be on your sexual menu. This could be positions, new erogenous zones, incorporating a sex toy and you pick and choose from the menu.
Sex toys are a great addition to solo and partner play, acting as an extension of your sexual potential and enhancing pleasure levels. Exploring and focusing on your and each other’s pleasure builds emotional and physical satisfaction and the bond with your partner. This increases desire and drive to be sexual, resulting in more pleasure and sex.
Written by Cam Fraser.
Lovehoney Australia’s Resident Sex Coach
Answering all your queries on pleasure-oriented sexual experiences for people with a penis