Author: Lovehoney Ambassador Chantelle Otten
Everyone’s libido (sex drive) is different and will have peaks and declines over time, this is completely normal and if you are experiencing either you are not alone.
Many things like lifestyles, sleep, stress, anxiety diet and physical wellbeing can all play a part in our sex drives. Pregnancy and motherhood affect most of the things just mentioned. Some women experience a higher sex drive whilst some women experience a lower sex drive after giving birth. The important thing to remember is to not compare yourself to others. Libido is based on what turns you on and how your body responds.
If you’re looking for ways to boost or improve your libido after having twins or triplets, continue reading;
Your libido is as unique as you are
As libido is individualised, it’s important to understand your own eroticism and patterns. Spend time thinking about when you are most happy, thinking about sexual activities and feeling erotic, what are your fantasies and what turns you on. Then also the reverse – when are you not in the mood and what turns you off. Like driving a car, what will put the accelerator on and what will pump the brakes? Identifying patterns and triggers will help you on your sexual journey.
Happy = Horny
Feeling elated and experiencing joy, makes us more open to pleasure and intimacy, so you feel hornier. Try to spend time doing things and activities that make you happy – if that’s dancing to music, meditating, painting, cooking, exercising or seeing friends. The release of dopamine and endorphins increases your mood and blood flow which helps with arousal.
I touched on it, but exercising has so many benefits to your mental and physical self. Activities like walking or jogging, yoga and pilates that concentrate on your core, strengthening and stretching are great – especially for mums! It is also great for building strength and stamina which comes in handy when exploring our erotisicm. Exercise can also boost our self confidence – making us look and feel sexier. Empowering those with a vulva to love their bodies and be more open to playfulness with their partners.
Solo sessions can increase the female libido after having twins or triplets
Solo sex is a sure fire way to ignite your sexual desire! Masturbation allows you to re-focus on your own erotiscm and sexual expression in a safe place. You are not worrying or thinking about your partner, how you look or are performing. It should be all about you, exploring your body and different sensations and the way your body responds. Explore different positions, stimulation and areas on your body – don’t be afraid to get creative with your erotic experiences. Adding toys to your solo play enhances the experience and offers different sensations – my staple is a clitoral stimulator, I love them! They are small, easy to use, powerful and whisper quiet – ticking multiple boxes. For many vulva owners both internal and external stimulation is what gets them off, if this is you I would recommend either a rabbit vibrator or G-Spot and clitoral stimulator.
Another tip is to set the mood with candles and lighting and pop on some music – it helps you to avoid distracting thoughts and get you in the mood.
Communication can increase the female libido after having twins or triplets
Being open and honest and talking with your partner is really important. In an environment outside the bedroom discuss together how you are feeling and what you have found regarding your patterns and triggers, when you are feeling the best and have sexual desires, what turns you on and feels good / pleasurable. You could suggest showing them by trying mutual masturbation. By communicating with your partner you are strengthening the intimacy, bond and relationship.
Together you can work on ways to make time for each other and prioritise intimacy and pleasure. This takes work and effort, so suggest starting small and setting little goals like date nights or just spending time together. The build up to the date night or time together, helps cultivate desire – you imagine the possibilities and build anticipation. Once together, you can do whatever you want, even if that is building up to being intimate. Take the pressure off yourselves and start with touching, kissing and outercourse. The goal is pleasure not orgasm or penetration.
For many the idea and definition of ‘Sex’ is penetration. I encourage people to broaden their definition of sex. Sex is everything under the sexual umbrella and any form of sexual activity or expression including kissing, touching, rubbing each other, making out, mutual masturbation, using sex toys, oral and penetration.
Remember that sex should be about pleasure and enjoyment. It doesn’t have to be perfect, it can be messy and doesn’t need to result in an orgasms or penetration. Mix things up and try new things – just remember to discuss and talk about it together if you haven’t tried it before to ensure both parties are comfortable and provide consent.
Add different positions and places to your sexual repertoire. Maybe explore a scenario where you take away an element like using a blindfold or rule like no touching for one of you. Perhaps you might like to try role play or acting out each other’s fantasies. Using toys on your partner or a couples toy enhance the sexual experience and create a buzz! For any sexual activity I recommend using lube but when using a sex toy it is a non negotiable!
Female libido after having twins or triplets
Your libido after having twins or triplets may just need to be nurtured. And there is nothing wrong with that, it happens to everyone. This is a reminder to be kind to yourself, go slow, listen to your body and your needs and embrace that your sexuality can and will evolve.
Chantelle is an experienced and certified Psycho-Sexologist, Scientist, and Sex and Relationship Expert with European and Australian education.