How to Avoid Comparing Twins or Triplets: Because Your Kids Aren’t a Matching Set of Candlesticks 

Parenting twins or triplets is a wild ride. You start off imagining cute matching outfits and perfectly balanced milestones, and then reality hits: one baby is sleeping peacefully while the other is screaming like a banshee, one is smashing solids while the other is launching pumpkin puree across the room, and suddenly you’re in a never-ending game of “Why is one doing THAT and the other isn’t?!” 

It’s completely natural to compare your twins or triplets. After all, they arrived at the same time, so your brain naturally expects them to develop at the same pace. But constant comparisons can create stress, pressure, and some serious identity crises (for both them and you). So let’s talk about how to avoid comparing twins or triplets. Because your kids are not a perfectly synchronised circus act. 

Why Not Comparing Twins or Triplets Will Save Your Sanity 

The comparison game usually starts early. It begins with innocent questions from well-meaning strangers: 

• “Which one is the smart one?” 

• “Who’s the troublemaker?” 

• “Are they identical? No? But they look the same. Are you sure?” 

• Or this one (my absolute personal pet hate!!!!!) “Which one is your favourite?” 

And before you know it, you start doing it too: 

• “Why does one sleep 12 hours straight while the other thinks 2 AM is party time?” 

• “How come one loves tummy time and the other acts like I’ve personally offended them by placing them on the mat?” 

• “Why is one reading novels and the other still eating crayons?” 

Here’s why not comparing twins or triplets is important: 

• It stops you from questioning every milestone like a detective investigating a crime scene. 

• It prevents unnecessary sibling rivalries before they even learn to spell “competition.” 

• It helps each child develop without feeling like they’re in a never-ending race against their sibling. 

• It keeps you from losing sleep over things that really don’t matter (because you’re already not sleeping much, let’s be honest). 

How to Stop Comparing Twins or Triplets  (Without Losing Your Mind) 

Stopping the comparison game starts with accepting that your twins or triplets are completely different humans who just happened to share a womb, not a personality. Focus on their individual strengths, celebrate their differences, and remind yourself daily that parenting twins or triplets is about survival, not symmetry. 

Reframe Your Thinking 

• Instead of “better” or “worse,” think different. One twin walking first doesn’t mean the other will crawl into adulthood. 

• Instead of “the athletic one” and “the artsy one,” just let them be kids—because next week, the “athletic one” might decide their new passion is interpretive dance. 

• Instead of “the good sleeper” and “the nocturnal terror,” remind yourself that sleep is a cruel joke for parents of multiples anyway. 

Avoiding Comparing Twins and Triplets Twin in Everyday Conversations 

Try adjusting how you talk about them: 

• Instead of: “He’s my chatty one, and she’s my quiet one.”  

• Try: “He talks non-stop, and she prefers to stare into my soul while silently judging.” 

• Instead of: “She’s the clever one, and he’s more hands-on.”  

• Try: “She likes books, and he prefers dismantling household appliances.” 

It’s all about removing the competition and embracing the chaos. 

Create Individual Experiences 

If you want to reinforce their individuality and stop comparing twins or triplets, try these: 

• Separate Baby Books – Because in 18 years, one will ask why all their milestones are scribbled in the margins of their sibling’s pages. 

• Solo Photos – Not every picture has to be a multiple birth portrait. Capture them individually, even if one is mid-tantrum. 

• One-on-One Time – Even 10 minutes of focused time can help them feel special (and remind you that they’re actually tiny humans, not just a matching set). 

• Alternate “Firsts” – If one always gets to pick the bedtime story, mix it up. Otherwise, in ten years, you’ll be refereeing fights over who always goes first. 

Handling External Comparisons Like a Pro 

Strangers, family members, and even teachers will compare your twins—because, for some reason, people see multiples and assume they must be exactly the same. 

Here’s how to handle it: 

• When Grandma says, “Who’s the bossy one?”  

• Reply: “Both. It’s like living with three mini dictators.” 

• When a friend asks, “Who’s the smart one?”  

• Reply: “They take turns, depending on who remembers where we hid the snacks.” 

• When the teacher says, “They’re so different!”  

• Reply: “Yep, turns out they’re individuals, not clones. Who knew?” 

The more you model seeing them as separate people, the more others will follow suit. 

Daily Habits to Encourage Individuality

If you’re serious about not comparing twins or triplets, here are some easy daily changes: 

• Let them pick their own outfits—even if one chooses a superhero cape and the other insists on wearing pyjamas to the supermarket. 

• Support different interests—one might love ballet, and the other might enjoy digging a giant hole in the backyard. That’s fine. 

• Encourage separate friendships—forcing them to have the same friends will only backfire when they hit school-age rebellion. 

• Praise their achievements individually—celebrate their wins without turning it into a sibling scoreboard. 

When You Need Backup

If avoiding twin comparisons feels impossible, there’s no shame in seeking reinforcements: 

• Join Multiple Birth Parent Groups – Because sometimes you just need to vent to people who get it. Join Parents of Multiples Australia HERE. 

• Talk to Educators – Schools and daycare centres can support individuality if they understand your approach. 

• Consider Professional Advice – If one child’s confidence seems affected, a psychologist who specialises in twins can help. 

Final Thoughts: Your Twins or Triplets Are Not a Competition 

At the end of the day, your twins are just siblings who happened to be born at the same time. They will have different strengths, weaknesses, quirks, and opinions (especially about bedtime). 

Avoiding comparing twins or triplets doesn’t mean pretending they are the same—it means embracing their differences without turning them into a competition. 

Because, let’s be real, in 20 years, they won’t remember who crawled first. But they will remember whether they grew up feeling like their own person. 

And if all else fails, just remind yourself: you’re raising two tiny humans, not a synchronised swimming team. 

Have you caught yourself comparing your twins? What helps you focus on their individuality? Share your experiences in the comments below!